I can’t be more than the body because I don’t think rest is the journey.

I believe that what is to be created in space is already predetermined, but not the space

that exists in between

I think about the things I did know and the things I know now

Instead of thinking about the things I did not know and do not know now

The things I did not know then and did not know now

And guessing what I will not know in the future are what exist in the gaps

That would be interesting to think into.

I think about the food I’ll eat, but not what the hunger in between eating will feel like

I worry a lot about what a lack of food will revoke form me

What consequences I’ll face by being hungry

And how long I must be hungry in order to eat

The goal is always eating

The goal is always to consume or get to the place where I can consume

The goal is never to be anxious or depressed

The goal is always to get out of that

To not feel that any longer

In avoiding that feeling to escape for a moment

To breathe what the fresh air might feel like

To believe that being confined isn’t for me

There is no liberation in my confinement

I’ve heard that the weight of our atmosphere for Earth puts about 15 pounds of pressure per square inch on human skin

Keeping us from exploding because we have so much heat and other things going on inside our body that we may blow up if it wasn’t for the confinement of the pressure of 15 pounds per square inch pressing on us at all times.

That was a long sentence.

I like the covers of my bed even though I hadn’t slept last night

I’m feeling the freedom of not being confined while also loving the pressure of being confined in my cozy bedroom in my bed.

They might not have to exist without the other. Maybe I can enjoy both.

In the same way find satisfaction in consuming as well as finding satisfaction in being hungry.

Finding satisfaction in spending and finding satisfaction in saving or investing.

One doesn’t have to exist without the other.

I can appreciate what I’ve spent, burn through it, and long for more for a long time.

I can then spend to get what it is that I longed for.

Having nothing and needing nothing might not be what’s for me.

But having everything and needing nothing

Then having everything and needing everything

Then having nothing and needing everything

Then having nothing and needing nothing again.

I could be at any stage of this cycle in my mind

And what is everything to me?

I can have her and not need her

I can have her and need her

I can not have her and need her

I can not have her and not need her

I think the universe is funny in that way

I didn’t used to see that perspective

I can have all of that

I had her and I didn’t need her.

When I had her, I needed her

I needed her texts, I needed her voice

Then I needed her and I didn’t have her

Then my need grew so great that I felt it

I felt the pain of it and then I didn’t need her and didn’t have her

Both at the same time as I was in the beginning

I can feel the way she made me feel with others

I can feel the way she made me feel with myself

I can hear my own voice and be comforted by it

I can feel my own presence and take care of myself

I can date myself

I can date someone else

I can put up little pictures of skeletons doing fun things

Mexican talavera Day of the Dead tiles are incredible

The work people put into things is beautiful

I feel like I once had the sense of putting love and work into things

I feel like somewhere along my life I lost that sense of feeling like my work was meaningful to me

Others said the work was meaningful to them, but the detail I put into it at the time wasn’t even a fraction of the detail I could have put in.

I feel inspired to work again

That’s awesome 

That’s something I haven’t felt in a while

Inspired to write things and explore new things

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I talk in inappropriate ways about inappropriate things